Obama to a Two Year Old

Saturday, we scarfed some free food at the little hut of Obama followers signing up volunteers.

I was a bit surprised by the overwhelming majority of older white folk…

Still, we got free stickers, cookies, and watermelon, and to my toddler, that was great.

But trying to explain what was going on was hard.

It kind of went like this:

I show her the word on the sticker. “Obama.”

Obana?
Yes, he’s a man who wants to be president. Of our country.
Our country?
Yes, the country we live in.
We live in?
America.
Am-er-ica?
Yes.
Ok.

Later, she points at the sticker again: What is it?
Obama.
Obana?
Yes. He will maybe be president. He will try.
Pres-dent?
Yes, in charge. We will all vote - choose - who gets to be in charge of our country.
Ok.

Later, again pointing to the sticker: Obana? He maybe pee in potty?

I can see the headlines now…Of course, her big thing right now is trying to pee in the potty. It’s the greatest achievement she can imagine.

80s Prom

Last year, I was newly pregnant. I was chubby in my material girl desperately-seeking-fashion-help outfit, not drinking, and I STILL had a blast - everyone jamming to the classics - in big fluffy flashy prom dresses and Rick Springfield gear - oh, it was deliciously obnoxious…

So I highly recommend it. I don’t think I’ll be able to make it - right before Father’s Day and my birthday - but darn, you should go in my stead…

(Oh yeah, and as for the fact that this is a benefit for Planned Parenthood: I just want to say that PP was there for me when I was 17 (and later) and needed a check up and my family didn’t have health insurance. Health services for women and girls, reproductive education, can be vital support for people, having nothing to do with abortion…)

Info on the Dance:

Old Michie Building (aka Old Live Arts) 609 E Market St, Charlottesville, VA 22902 US
When:	Saturday, June 14, 8:00PM
Don’t go dancing with yourself; get into the groove with others who’ve got the beat to support Planned Parenthood Advocates of Virginia (PPAV). On June 14th, we’ll be partying like it’s 1989 with the Second Annual 80s Prom. So get pretty in pink, jump in your little red corvette and have the time of your life!  Must be 21+. Featuring DJ Steve Richmond spinning the 80s tunes, costume contest, prom court and much, much more…. Tickets $10*/ $20 with PPAV membership *only available at the door Pretty sweet sponsorship levels $35 Polaroid picture under balloon arch $50 Polaroid picture under balloon arch plus song request Super cool sponsorship levels $100 VIP Lounge entry and champagne for two $250 Two 80s Prom tickets, VIP Lounge entry for up to four guests and bottle of champagne For advance tickets & sponsorship, who you gonna call?  www.ppav.org\80sprom.html

Daily Progress website

I love how the other morning I was trying to read about the shootings on the freeway and a giant ad kept blocking the ENTIRE STORY with no visible cue as to how to remove it.

GREAT.

I like the cleaner look of the new design, but I still feel like I can’t find up to the minute information very easily at all.

Meanwhile, what did working parents do with schools so abruptly closed???

The Balfour Case

It’s the story of a woman who left her child in her car and the child died.

The hearing, which has been taking place today, was being reported on the TV in the hairdresser’s today when I went for my haircut.

“Stupid woman,” said this young girl with a green bug tattooed above her bum crack. “She should get electrified.”

“You just don’t do that,” agreed one of the hairdressers, broom in hand. “Uh-uh. You don’t.”

“Well,” said the woman who cuts my hair, as she put plastic around the sagging head of an elderly woman,  “I won’t say anything. I can’t say anything.”

“You wouldn’t do that to your kids!” said the girl, angrily.

“No, I wouldn’t want to, but I don’t know, I don’t know what happened, I can’t say it wouldn’t.”

Later, when it was just me and the older lady and my hairdresser in the room, we all agreed that it’s impossible to pass judgment on poor Balfour.

“I wouldn’t want to say it, and then boom, have something happen,” my hairdresser said.

“People go through terrible things,” concurred the lady.

“I can imagine her misery is enough to punish her,” I said.

“We can’t imagine that misery,” said the old lady, firmly.

She is right.

So, I was heartened and interested by this debate. Ever since I heard this awful story, I’ve been not only extra careful about whether or not I’ve remembered (or my husband has) to get our daughter out of the car (!), but I’ve been aware in general of how transparent the line is between safe and unsafe behavior, between between criminal and benevolent neglect when it comes to caring for and raising a child.

• How many of us have stepped away from the bathtub, when we shouldn’t have?

• How many of us have found foreign objects in our child’s mouth that could have caused a choking death?

• How many of us have forgotten to close the door to the stairwell?

• How many of us are so stressed and tired that our ability to think clearly and to parent well has been compromised?

It would be so easy to say about this poor woman that I would NEVER be so awful and dumb and forgetful so as to do what she did. It would make me feel easier, safer, and better about myself to put her in the category of Awful, Other Woman Who I am Not.

But as they used to say in the old days, ‘there but for the grace of God go I.’

I am no better than Balfour.

This is a tough thing to say, because it seems to imply that I have the capability to do something awful like she did.

Guess what? I do.

Guess what? We ALL do.

Given the circumstances, we are all capable of a million evil, awful, forgetful, neglectful things.

To rest in a mirage of self-satisfaction that any of us is morally superior on some essential level to someone else is the essence of ignorance.

To acknowledge that we are human and thus flawed and to commit to trying to be as compassionate and as aware as possible, to make the best choices we can, knowing that sometimes those choices will blow up in our faces, that we can’t control the consequences of even the best intentions, to offer compassion to those who fail mightily - it is hard to do this, but it is more honest as to the nature of who we are as individuals in this world…

It’s really tough to write about this. It is a story of absolute horror. To be the cause of your own child’s accidental death… no, I can’t imagine that misery.  But somehow, I try to. And then I pray for grace. For all of us. For the little and the big things we leave undone, as well as things we do.

“She should be glad I’m not the judge,” said the girl to the television, her tattoo wiggling.

But, this girl sits (wiggles) in judgment.

I am trying the opposite. I am not the judge.

Green Resources: New, Local, and others…

With the launch of the new Better World Betty site - which features a searchable database, so you can find out where to purchase/recycle different kinds of items - and the election of a mayor for whom the environment seems to be a major priority (his blog is even green) Cville is turning greener by the day…

I wanted to also remind you of a couple other resources:

Green Charlottesville - a Yahoo group set up for virtual community discussions and sharing about green issues

Charlottesville Green Drinks - a monthly social hour for locals working for environmental quality - an evening of food, $1.50 beer specials, and amazing conversation on the second Thursday of every month - locations vary. (contact Lyle Solla-Yates, 434-806-9044)

Charlottesville Vegetarian Families Network - potlucks and online discussion

Piedmont Garden Swap - how much greener can you get than trading plants and information on gardening, growing, composting, etc.?

Freecycle - Reduce and reuse in a fun, free way

My favorite green and green parenting resources/blogs, not local but still useful:

Ideal Bite - get the daily e-mail tip or subscribe to the blog for fun, hip ways to go green

Green Daily - my new favorite, because its useful, plentiful, and down to earth

Eco Child’s Play - ideas for toys and more for keeping your kids green

Z Recommends - kid items, but this blog does extensive research into the BPAs and other harmful elements of bottles, pacifiers, etc. - a great resource

Tooting My Horn

The next mayor Charlottesville read one of my blog entries and called it the “Best Blog Post of 2007 Hands Down” - did you see??

Husband told me this on Christmas Day, and it felt like such a sweet present from the universe.

I was impressed that a dude took my castration suggestion so well. Sounds like the perfect kind of mayor to me! I’m a loyalist, now…

To CoHouse or Not to CoHouse

Looks like the answer for the Crozet cohousing is a big yes - and I’m glad for them. Listen to this short podcast on it from Charlottesville Tomorrow.

I did, in fact, go to an informational meeting about this community, as I was interested in living in community, sharing lawnmowers with neighbors, attempting sustainable and green living standards…

But when they said they couldn’t decide what to do about dogs - I realized I was not a good candidate. We have a fenced-in backyard for our beloved Billy, and without it, we could not survive. To leave that kind of decision up to a group - well, it just wouldn’t work for our family.

Then visions of what to do if we get too loud one night - or maybe someone doesn’t like my kid - what then?

I much prefer my old-fashioned neighborhood, where everyone knows each other and helps each other out - like the guy next door who helped us rake last weekend, bringing over his blower and cheerfully helping us out for several hours - like the woman across the street who lets our daughter delight in her fairyland garden - like the couple next door who brings us fresh bread and organic cleaning samples -  but when it comes down to it, we leave each other the heck alone.  When the doors are closed - well, privacy ensues. I really like that!!!

A Big Lots Christmas?

The Roanoke Times is holding a Christmas song contest, and one of the contenders is “A Big Lots Christmas.” Check it out!

I am such a mishmash when it comes to my consumer choices. On the one hand, I  buy at Big Lots, I relish a Dollar Tree, I frequent the thrift stores, I’m a Freecycle nut, and my favorite thing in the world - no joke - is a garbage bag of hand me down clothes.

On the other hand, I do have some expensive tastes, and, more importantly, I’ve realized that

a) there are some things that need to be quality items - or else the cheapness really does make the purchase a waste - including: q tips (knockoffs fall apart), fingernail polish (the good stuff glides on for an easier application), shoes (cheap ones hurt my feet and back)…

b) buying “green” means paying more, but when it comes to choosing nontoxic drink containers, our health is worth it - and the better lightbulbs save money as well as energy. It’s moving away from plastic that is daunting…

So, here’s today’s inventory -

I’m wearing a paid of $98 Keen shoes, (made from recycled materials),

a shirt from a friend,

a pair of pants from the Salvation Army,

earrings from Target,

hairclips and socks from Big Lots,

drinking from a steel container from Rebecca’s,

eating a vegetarian organic pie (Amy’s brand) from Kroger,

wearing a secondhand coat from a friend,

nail polish and mascara from CVS,

and face powder by Burt’s Bees from Whole Foods.

I recently purchased a Sigg bottle from the Blue Ridge Eco Shop,

a pizza from Dominos,

gas from the BP,

hardware from Lowe’s,

and received a bunch of tupperware from Freecycle.

So - a mix of local shops and chains, of eco-friendly and earth-awful, of expensive and cheap.

-I’d love to see if any of you have an equally mixed inventory!

- and, What are some other items that should be the expensive, high-quality kind? 

On Kindness, and Mothers

So, I’m six months pregnant, mother of a two year old, working full time, and there’s a large part of me that feels judged by the people at work for not being more with it, more on it, more everything.

Like, there’s no one smiling and saying, “There, there, sweetie, never mind, you’re with child, it’s okay that you didn’t notice that line item,” or “Of course you forgot to turn the car off before getting out of it! You’re pregnant!” Yeah - none of that.

So, I’m feeling kind of grouchy and self-pitying, and I was walking to my car last night when I dropped my water container on the ground. My hands were full, my ill-fitting stockings sliding down my legs, back and hips aching (for which I’m going to physical therapy), and I just looked at the red bottle there on the parking lot floor and thought, There’s no way I’m going to bend over to pick this up - I’ll either fall down from pain, lose my balance, or moon the office building behind me because my stockings will have been pushed all the way to my ankles. I felt utterly stupid and hopeless - a metaphor for how I often feel these days, trying to push my way through from one thing to the next.

And then this woman I barely know came up behind me, retrieved the bottle, and said, “Yeah, I know how it is!” With a smile of understanding and a flourish of kindness.

It felt like the nicest thing anyone could ever do for anyone else.

I know, this is a typical story - we all know about small acts of kindness and paying it forward and all that. But really, it’s a story that doesn’t get old when it’s something that happens in your own life. It’s so easy for any of us to get locked into a silent vigil of loneliness, with personal griefs and aches and burdens that we carry, visibly or not, with no one embracing us and saying “there, there, sweetie,” even though, my goodness, we all have times when we need it. It’s too easy.

Thinking about the woman who was murdered last week - looking at my daughter, trying not to get caught up in the imaginary void of what it must be like, as a parent, to get that phone call - I not only felt this huge well of sadness for that woman and her family, but also for the suspects, who are not much older than boys. What kind of heartache exists within them that murder is something they found possible? I can’t imagine how dark and sad and empty it must be, to be in that place. What about their mothers?
You know, if you watch TV, especially during the daytime, you see a lot of “moms” in mom jeans ogling Mr. Clean and finding the perfect snacks and sighing about their kids and homework - but when I think about all the people in my age group I know whose mothers are absent, screwed up, abusive, wrecked in some way - for various reasons - how many people I know who don’t have but would love to have a mother of unconditional love -  I am struck by how we actually don’t have a lot of those kinds of mothers in our culture. I mean, not just the real ones, but the images of them, the myths of them - the goddess figure whose arms are open with nurturing, comfort, love - we don’t have the element of mothering in our society. The idea of compassion and kindness that is strong, not weak. We are, in that sense, many of us at least - emotional orphans.

My conclusion to this ramble is that I pray I will learn to be a true mother - not just to my children, but to myself, to my friends, to strangers - meaning, that I will learn to have the open arms of exceeding lovingkindness, to heal wounds, to say “there, there” when people need to hear it.  Even to the least of these.

There’s Still A Drought; I’m Old; So I Ate Ice Cream

Happy Monday! Here’s some links/thoughts from me, in between my boughts of crying at everything:

1) There’s still a drought. All that rain, but the levels are still too low - so keep it mellow yellow, people. It’s a great excuse for me for why my child hasn’t had a bath in almost a week - I’m saving the planet! Not avoiding her temper tantrums, no…

2) I listened to the Obama speech on CPN and realized I am an Old Person. He is very idealistic and energetic and, while I agree that Africa should be rid of its diseases and Darfur needs to be at peace and college should be affordable, I’m sorry, Barak, but you’re not going to do it all. It’s very sweet of you to say you will. But I’m too embittered about politicians to give credence to your ambition…

3)  My mom saw a picture of me jumping up and down on a bed with my daughter and accused me of being a playmate and not a mom for my daughter.

I got really, really angry and defensive, but I wrote her back instead of just complaining to friends. I see this as growth.

By the way, I love playing with my daughter. What else am I going to do? Yell at her? Ignore her? Arggghhh.

4) We watched some Sesame Street songs on youtube last night during dinner (dad was recording Obama). Brings back memories. I highly recommend this as a way to limit TV and advertising for your child - plus you get to select what you watch! Alice Cooper singing with the muppets was too scary, though - for me, I mean…

5) I finished up the evening by eating an entire pint of Ben and Jerry’s New York Fudge ice cream. The entire thing. So there to all the blogs and books and doctors who think I should be eating a few peanuts and raisins to supplement this giant basketball that’s taking over my body.

6) Alert: Myth debunked!: Turns out that when babycenter.com advisers say “Don’t sleep on your back, pregnant women, because you’ll lose your blood supply and kill the baby” THEY’RE WRONG. At least, they are according to my ob doctor today. He said LABORING on your back is hurtful, but not sleeping while pregnant. THANK THE GODDESS! Because that’s how I end up sleeping every night, whether I like it or not. Yay! I think I’m going to stop reading everything but more Ian Mckewan novels till the birth…

So, there you have it - and again, Happy Monday!

Wait a second- I just realized - it’s not Monday, it’s Tuesday!!! Oh my gosh, I am truly losing my mind!