Still Drinking Coffee

It’s almost 8:30, and I’m still drinking coffee. I’m soooo tired. I’m soooo stupid.

This is worse than college: I stay up all night, I regret it the next morning, but then I do it again.

All because I am desperate for a couple hours to myself.

Which are crucial. Not enough - and often, I still am not totally relaxing - I remain “interruptible” - Ariel Gore in her book The Mother Trip provides the insight that mothers are constantly interruptible, but we need time to be uninterruptible - it was really helpful to read her words and know that my constant feeling of being on call, on high alert, just ON - 24 hours a day - is not because there’s something crazy about ME. It’s commonplace, it’s hormonal, it’s motherhood.

It’s hard to explain to others that only when my kids are sleeping - and I know they’re asleep for at least half an hour, solid - can I come close to getting absorbed in something else - yoga, intimacy, writing, things that only have a benefit when you’re fully present and not leaving one ear perked like a satellite dish toward the children’s room.

Of course, by the end of the night, when they are finally both truly asleep - usually 10 p.m. - the last thing I feel like doing is yoga, intimacy, or writing. I want to veg. I want to watch bad television. I want to sleep. I want to read cheesy blogs. I don’t want to engage in anything that requires me to be thoughtful, soulful, or energetic. I have nothing left to give at that point. My body has been a source of nourishment, caring, and entertainment since 7 that morning - it wants a break.

So my relationships are suffering - long distance ones, that require phone calls - close ones, that require quality one-on-one interaction. Not to mention, my relationship with myself. Of course, the last thing I need right now is to grow distant from the ones I love. Again, Gore advocates for mothers to make time for things like sleep and meditation and sex - but god, it’s hard.

Sleep is so boring. And meditation and sex - though both can be reviving - require focus. Can I just chill with the Netflix for a good 48 hours? With some ice cream and vino, while someone gives me a massage, does my nails, trims my hair, takes notes for me when a thought of worth actually does crop up, a little crocus amid the weedy landscape that is my untended brain?

If you haven’t read it, I highly recommend Gore’s book and her site, hipmama.com. I don’t think I am at all a “hip” “mama” but it’s nice to know hip mamas exist out there. Mothers are not just saggy, docile, vapid yuppies in ill-fitting jeans driving SUVs badly. They are cool and creative and spiritual and sexual and intellectual and responsible for the human race’s various incarnations. They are not a sub-group for political pundits to try and buttonhole, nor are they a ‘they’ to be tapped and targeted by marketers.

More on that later - probably on my new blog…

Yoga and Meditation… for all

I have never been able to take a post-partum baby & mommy yoga class because they are all scheduled during normal work hours.

That, or I now have two kids to drag along to a class, not just one.

So I do my personalized version of yoga-stretching-tai chi in my living room, pausing every once in a while to tend to the demands of my always-hungry infant. Or to fend off the assault of my always-running toddler.

I find the stop-start nature of this annoying, but I’m trying to go with The Flow, to keep in the spirit of things.

Forget proper meditation, though. In the morning, that is. I’ve tried setting my alarm to beat the kids to waking up - HA! What a joke! The earlier I set my alarm, the earlier they wake.

If I can get the toddler to sleep, I can usually get the baby to sleep soon thereafter, and then I can take some afternoon silent space to meditate and stretch, and boy howdy, that makes a difference. Mental and spiritual refreshment is key to helping me stay mindful, in the moment, present with my self and my children.

My friend who has a 10 month old - she teaches high school in upstate NY - took a stress-reduction class that turned out to focus on the meditation techniques of that Zabat-Zinn guy. She was told to do a 40-minute body scan every morning. What? With a baby??? She was more stressed out by trying to fit that into her life…

Still, I’m becoming a firm believer that everyone should meditate - in Britain, the NHS even subsidizes meditation programs! because of the health benefits - full-time workers, white and blue collar, poor and rich alike - but to make space for that, we’d need to have a nationwide midday siesta (you could nap, too - we all need more sleep!) - maybe in rotation to handle waking kids?

I would love to have more tai chi/yoga Gatherings - not classes you have to pay for and attend, but get togethers where people stretch and meditate together.

If I had extra time/energy, I think I would become an activist for getting more yoga, tai chi, meditation classes made available at very low costs to make them more accessible to poor / stressed/ working parents (of both genders). How about some free stuff in the parks? How about getting whole families breathing and meditating together?

So much of the conflicts and strains in our lives directly stem from stress taking control of people.

God these hormones are like drugs. I’m turning into a hippie.

An 80-something’s Take on the Prez Race

“I just don’t know how they are letting Hillary Clinton do this! Why is anyone letting her? I guess she lived in the White House for a couple years, but goodness.

I just don’t know about any of these people.

I guess we have to take what they give us.

Of course, it’s all about money, who can afford to run.

Which is just terrible.

We just need a Good Man. Why can’t they give us a Good Man?

McCain? Yes, I guess he’s okay, but he’s old. Some people say that Mitt Romney fellow, but then they worry about him being Mormon, but I don’t know if that will affect him being president or not, do you?

I don’t think the Democrats can win, I don’t think the Republicans are going to let them. I think the Republicans have too much money to let the Democrats get a chance.

I may not vote. I may just not vote.  I just don’t know what’s going to happen here. I’m not for anyone. I just don’t know.”

- my grandma

Hillary Won Because Women Like Warm Weather

I swear, this is what one of those poopy pundits said last night on MSNBC - that the New Hampshire warm weather brought out the women.

Really? Really? That’s what you came up with?

So far, I haven’t heard that much about gender in regards to Hillary - a little bit, but not like what happened last night, where suddenly all these mushheads had to explain her win somehow - and all they could come up with was to make vague and dumb statements about “women” - as if we’re this strange, odd species coming out of the deep, dark woods, surprising everyone with our heat-seeking presence…

VOMIT TIME! (Probably not the last…)

I loved how The Daily Show threw up a little slide show of male “strong” figures, like Dole and Bush, crying - to combat this idea that HC choking up a little the other day is “feminine.” What is this, 1950?

I have to admit, I’m not won over by Obama - I’m too old or cynical or something to be thrilled by his speeches, which frankly I don’t find that rousing or poetic (not saying he’s not good, just saying I’m not swooning - I guess compared to some of the stick figures around him, it’s impressive?)… but Hillary showing some genuine feeling the other day DID get my attention. Not because she’s a woman, but because she’s a political animal and an intellectual, which usually means she’s not very loose or relaxed, and it was nice to see that side.

But not because I was warmed, or anything.

Obviously, I haven’t been paying attention: There’s a Hillary Sexism Watch going on - some men yelled at her, “Iron my shirt!” WHAT? 

Take the Quiz!

With which candidate do you match up?

Figure out which candidate you match up with:

http://www.gotoquiz.com/candidates/2008-quiz.html

 

Saw this on one of our local blogs… oh gross, look who I’m matched to:

My Results:
100%

Dennis Kucinich

Seriously, as a “working mom,” I guess I have political issues I care about that fit with my demographic - healthcare, wage issues - but to be honest, my general positions on things haven’t changed since becoming a mother. Supposedly, you’re supposed to get more conservative as you age and procreate, but so far, that hasn’t happened to me…

Has anyone else experienced a huge shift in their political views since becoming a parent? Does working or not working affect your views?  I’m very curious!

Medical Myths Undone

Did you see this info that the whole 8 glasses of water a day is bunk? (From the British Medical Journal website, which is actually a fascinating place to visit, fyi).

I’m terribly disturbed.

They tell us it’s bunk, but then don’t say how much one should drink…

Have I been dutifully waddling to the bathroom every five minutes for a myth? (I guess others have done worse…)

On Strength

So, on the Diane Rhem show yesterday, two authors spoke about their latest book, Playing with the Boys, in which they argue that sports teams need to be integrated - women with men - because the current ’separate but equal’ set-up keeps us believing that women are inferior in all realms of life, including business and government.

Supposedly, the physical differences between men and women are to be disregarded - they’re just mental constructs created by our biased culture. We believe women are less strong because we have separate sports teams that imply they are less strong, not because they really are.

Guess what? I think that’s a load of crap.

Interestingly, NPR reported today about how women’s spines are uniquely constructed to handle pregnancy - men’s bodies could not actually carry a pregnancy to term.

Is that just bias? Or is it science?

Look, here’s the problem: Why do we automatically assume that physical strength = human superiority? That’s the underlying error. Just because men have a greater probability to be better pack animals doesn’t mean they’re better people. If you think that, then, you’re as just as dumb as a football player with too many concussions in his head.

Comparing gender difference to racial inequality is dumb, too. Men and women are biologically different. Hey - that’s why we have different names for them! That our society is screwed up in terms of how we view gender and power is VERY true. We DO assume that strength is about physical, brute force. We don’t celebrate female power. We arrange people in hierarchies constantly, instead of exploring and celebrating difference. Absolutely true.

But you know, denying nature just misses the point and makes me mad. I don’t need to see women mixed with men on the football field to enjoy the game or to feel respected by my culture. Football players are like gladiators - I enjoy watching their huge muscular assaults on each other - but I don’t expect my husband to get on the field anymore than I would Hillary Clinton. Not that that wouldn’t be entertaining.

On a related but totally different note: I’m really sad about Marian Jones losing her Olympic Medals. Isn’t that depressing?

 

Listen to This: Everyday Toxins on Fresh Air

Terri Gross interviews this guy whose new book, Exposed, details the dangerous chemicals in everything from car dashboards to - sob! - my rubber duckies. Take a listen.
While my husband - ever the calm, rational news reader  - cautions me not to overreact to what may well be an extreme and unproven point of view, Schapiro’s claims didn’t surprise me, as I’ve read a lot about the stuff in cosmetics, plastics, electronics from a variety of sources. What did surprise me was his assessment of why the European Union - a much bigger market, by the way, than the US (who knew?) - restricts and regulates the use of these chemicals and the US doesn’t.

It’s not because the Europeans are nicer than we are - or because they don’t have industry lobbyists as strong as ours, fighting regulation  - but because of who is paying for healthcare. Because studies show that these toxins do in fact have health reprecussions, serious side effects - well, the European governments realize that preventing future disease is a better bang for their buck. Over here - well, the US government isn’t paying for our healthcare, we are - so they don’t give a crap that we’re being exposed to stuff that’s going to give us cancer and dilute our endocrine systems and other lovely things like that.

Anyway, I recommend this podcast of the show (I never get a chance to listen on the radio, myself).

Also, in green news:  Here’s a way to help the planet without doing much - these search engines donate to good causes - I got this list from Ideal Bite:

• GoodSearch - powered by Yahoo, it donates 50% of revenues to a charity you choose each time you search.
• Blackle - an unofficial black version of Google that uses less energy than the white version on some screens (for a more colorful option, try The Green Spider).
• CatchTomorrow - customizable news, weather, and search options; donates 50% of revenues to the public school district of your choice.
• Green Maven - though it’s not for charity, this Google-based search engine yields results from green-related websites only.

Procreation Recreation

So, this woman is exactly the kind of person I feel like I should be but am not - the non-breeder who thinks having children is a selfish, wasteful act that contributes to the death of the planet.

Seriously - for the longest time, I browsed foster care/adoption websites, thinking I’d help a kid in need instead of adding to the overpopulation of the world. Same idea as not buying from a puppy mill, you know.

Then I got pregnant - and now I’m pregnant again - and I am so darn happy having a child, so happy to give my child a sibling (which I never had) - I’m like a princess lolling in piles of gold and cash, guiltlessly indulgent in her wealth and happiness…

But I am not a princess. I am a human being, part of a larger community, both living and dead/unborn, whether I like it or not.

A friend of mine has two children - AND is becoming a foster parent.

She seems to have found a middle way.

I am just not sure what logical foundation there is for procreation - except that we are biological beings… not always trumped by logic?

(Yeah, I know, all I do is blog about the things I read on Babble. But oh well. )

Toy Design Gone Wrong… Again

This made me laugh out loud - seriously, who vets these things????

Take a look at this earth-friendly slug for kids, meant to inspire environmentalism, but looking more like… well, read it yourself.

(Almost as good as the Harry Potter vibrating wand that they took off the market when realizing that girls were enjoying it in all the “wrong” ways…)