Resentment Re-zen-did (get it? get it?!)

This article on resentment does a great job of articulating something I’ve been realizing  – that I often get all offended and pissed off and resentful towards people because I feel hurt – and that hurt wants validation and confirmation – and I’m mad because no one is giving it to me – when I could just give it to myself.

I bring this up here because I find myself in inner contention with other mothers – often. Sometimes, it’s just that you’re having one of those Annoying Playground Conversations that’s all about compare and contrast – and no matter how relaxed you are, someone else is more so; or maybe you’re too relaxed, and everyone else is hypersensitive and overqualified – but whatever the mix, you are finding that, as a parent and a person, you don’t measure up, you don’t bond, you don’t make the grade – and this is just because no one is really an expert, we’re all just tossing out stories and examples and anecdotes, tripping up over each other’s anxieties and phobias and fears… often coming across as caustic and critical. (A lot like some of our moms…)

There’s a few people in particular who tend to put me down or trounce any positive effort I put forth, and I find myself grinding my teeth in bitterness, feeling frustrated that I can’t just scream out my victimhood and get some kind of justice or relief.

That angry reaction feels more like a “strong” one than the more realistic version, which includes acknowledging how lonely it can be sometimes to be a human being.

I should be posting pictures of pumpkins or ranting about the lack of cool Halloween music at the downtown mall festivities last Saturday (why were they playing “hey baby” music???), but instead, I feel more like unmasking my ghouls, not parading around in the various costumes I hide behind to protect myself from the pain of living.

And that’s some scary stuff sometimes…


4 Responses to Resentment Re-zen-did (get it? get it?!)

  1. Jennifer says:

    You are an excellent writer (but my child is better- no just kidding)- that is some complex stuff you put in this relatively small post.
    Slowly, I have learned ‘sympathetic joy’ a Buddhist thing to really be happy for someone who shares his or her own joy and not get in compare mode.
    Having said that- those annoying conversations are usually brought about by very insecure mothers who have to play ‘oneupmanship’ in order to feel validated.
    I dont get it.
    I typically avoid playground conversations- I guess that is why I dont have too many mommy friends.
    I am not sure if this addresses your post at all (I just dont have the conciseness you have) but I really appreciate that you shared your sentiments.

  2. Jennifer says:

    some more thoughts-
    you are doing a great job-the working moms group is growing and supporting each other more and more.
    when you encounter people who are negative well I hope you know it is to test your commitment and help you strengthen it. I know I am done with the platitudes, but I dont want anyone messing with you- do you want me to say a few ‘words’ to them? j/k 🙂

  3. Maiaoming says:

    Jennifer, your comments have made my day! I love your offer to be my backup – you rock. I’ll let you know… cheers and thanks so much — thanks for taking the time to make a comment; it really goes a long way — Amy

  4. Jennifer says:

    Thanks for your nice remarks. BTW- LOVED THE POST ON Hoos Brews v. Cville Coffee. No one but a mother could have written it like you did. Now that you are in the feeder (I dont know what took me so long) I will try to comment more because I appreciate the venue.

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