For the First Time…

1. I started walking the dog, pushing toddler in the stroller, and nursed baby in sling all at the same time. I laughed at myself as I walked past a car and saw my reflection. I was flashing a side boob. But the dog was driving me crazy. The toddler needed to go go go. So I went went went. Ha!

2. I made shepherd’s pie, which required making mashed potatoes Not From a Box. I’ve never done that before.

3. I’m going to try and make it work Working for Myself/the family. This is a big step. For the first time in my life, though, I feel like I’m making choices based on things I want to do, not on the easy things I know I CAN do without too much trouble. That’s a big change. I realized recently that many of my past decisions have been about avoiding failure, and I’ve lied to myself and others about my motivations, making them seem much more lofty than “I was scared of the competition of theater, so that’s why I didn’t pursue an acting career” – or “I was scared of being separated from my partner, too much so to go get a teaching job after grad school” – things like that.

I’m still pretty scared, but this time I’m being honest about it – and I’m going to try to move ahead with what I want to do anyway.

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2 Responses to For the First Time…

  1. ChrEliz says:

    What a powerful, honest, great blog post. Scared but clear about one’s fears and wishes is a great place to be. Terrifying, but great.

    Lots of hugs.

  2. Elizabeth says:

    Congrats on everything- taking a crazy walk, making mashed potatoes =), and most of all the life decision. I am rooting for you!

    I know this may sound silly, but one of the things I think about with/regarding having a second child is- how in the world would I walk the dogs?? Right now it’s 2 dogs on leashes and a kid in a carrier. The toddler can’t keep up walking, and I can’t imagine a stroller with 2 dogs going in different directions. Or, a toddler walking/trying to keep up on a hike in the woods. Or, carrying a toddler AND a baby. Nope, I just can’t have another child!

    Nice way to make this comment all about me!!!! Oops. =) Anyway- GOOD LUCK with everything.

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