The Naked Woman Who Didn’t Brush Her Teeth

My friend K in Austin, TX has a friend who is a Naked Woman Who Doesn’t Brush Her Teeth.


“So… how does that happen?” I asked K, on the phone. “Does she march in your apartment and strip? Does she always walk around sans clothing? Does her breath stink?”

I was horrified. Fascinated. Troubled. Disgusted. Intrigued.

Apparently, this woman felt like clothing and tooth-brushing were both… well, bunk… social ideas that she could live without materializing in her daily life.

This woman had eggs. Ovaries. Guts. Balls. Hutspah. Cahones. Nerve.

A lot of confidence and not a lot of modesty…

At the base of my sputter-sputter laugh-laugh reaction to K’s description was a small seed of jealousy. There are many times I wish I had the gall to state definitively that I oppose Conventional Wisdom, even Science, Propriety, and What They Say, to just strip, stink, and stew in my own juices.

My own rebellions are small.

I hate bras, for instance. Truly truly. I am aware that for some people, the lack of a bra denotes a foundational neglect of one’s personal respect, hygiene, style, adherence to custom, logic (your boobs will sag like the women in National Geographic!).

I, however, have seen my grandmother’s boobs; and, despite 80 years of stringent stringing up of the old things, they sag. I don’t even think she breastfed. Put in her in a hulu skirt and my granny is a native.

And what is the custom about, anyway? Don’t let anyone see them bounce, swing, move? Don’t let your nips show?

That reminds me of preparing for my first ballet recital as a young girl, our teacher telling us we needed to stick bandaids over our “headlights” to keep them from protruding to the audience under the hot stagelights… ballet is, of course, all about strapping and stringing up your body parts to make them aesthetically pleasing, whatever the blood from your feet speaks…

I also remember my mom’s story about when she first went to college, back in the 50s, when the school officials would watch female students to make sure they were wearing bras and girdles… not wiggling and waddling their flesh too much, you know…


But real life? I feel like if the boys can’t take Real Live Women, unrestrained, then the boys need to go back to training pants. What’s so scary about nipples?

I’m not only sick of this anti-breastfeeding crap in our culture, I’m sick of this “I have raging hormones and I can’t control myself because I’m a guy” schtick from the males. Learning control, and accepting the functions and shapes of the human body, these are marks of maturity, for men and women alike; grow up.

If you think my anti-bra stance is irrational, please do me a favor and go read Egalia’s Daughters, a novel that flips our gendered society on its head. Instead of women wearing bras, men have to wear ‘pehoes’ to hold in their male members; they even have a pehoe-burning in their masculinist revolt. The book is a lot of fun, but it also really makes you think again about what you believe to be true and factual with regard to gender and sex in our society.

But back to the naked woman with the dirty teeth – can you imagine?!!

What crazy anti-social thing would you do, if you felt you could get away with it?


7 Responses to The Naked Woman Who Didn’t Brush Her Teeth

  1. Not Much of a Rebel says:

    I don’t know that I can answer that question, but I sure am having fun thinking about it! I keep rejecting my own ideas as they come up, but as they do, I chuckle and guffaw to myself for even having the thought cross my mind! I guess this means I’m repressed. Geez, I can’t even come up with an answer to your question! : )

    I always wear a bra because it hurts when I don’t. (I’m big into avoiding chafing, and I’m very sensitive to that.)

    My real life answers are pretty tame, in terms of what I DO do (or don’t do) now – I let my kids run around with dirt on their faces when I don’t want to interrupt their games or I just don’t care if they have dirt on their faces. I don’t keep my car clean because I just don’t care about a clean car. But most things that flout convention just don’t interest me that much. I guess if I were still interested in polyamory, and if I didn’t have kids, and if my partner were interested in an open marriage, I might do that. But I’m not interested in that anymore (too complicated, too much opportunity for hurt feelings, leaves you open to STDs, and I like monogamy now, not to mention the ‘being a parent’ thing which for me makes that ~completely~ out of the question).

    I wear wrinkled clothes because I don’t like to iron. My stuff is really pretty boring and lame. I guess I do speak up and put someone in his place when he’s being an asshole to me or to someone else, but I’d argue that that’s being pro-social more than anti-social.

    Interesting question.

  2. Elizabeth says:

    So… I get the naked thing. But the not brushing your teeth thing? Ewwwwww! To me, brushing your teeth leads to better breath, etc. But it is also about your health. I admit I don’t know the science of it, but I was under the impression that bacteria in your mouth (from gum disease, inflammation, etc.) can then get into your bloodstream and may cause heart problems. Yuck. Also, I find it a rather unusual social statement. I never really thought brushing your teeth was something that was a social idea that someone would care enought to bunk or not. Not sure what the big deal about it is? All that money spent on toothpaste? (Being sarcastic as it takes me FOREVER to get through a tube.) Not buying into the toothbrush hype?

    Guess I have bought into the marketing/social norm. I brush AND floss! AND wear clothing! So boring.

  3. Amanda says:

    you couldnt PAY me not to wear bra- after kid#2, so uncomfortable not wearing.

    mmm, crazy anti-social thing….was going to say park anywhere, even on sidewalks so don’t have to lug 2 kids and stuff long distances, like McGuffey Park. but then i remembered a neighbor kids annoys me w scooter on sidewalk so think this crazy act would annoy more than satisfy when everyone else did it too!

  4. Lys says:

    I somewhat understand the teeth brushing thing, not in the sense that I would ever forgo it (my husband calls me breath monster), but because the whole oral hygiene thing is somewhat infuriating. I can eat 100% perfectly (all organic, tons of veggies, no processed foods), and work out like a fiend and my teeth can still be a disaster zone. It just doesn’t seem to make any armchair scientist evolutionary sense. What the F did people do before Colgate?

    As for the bra thing – I just love my bras. I get too cold without them, and I don’t mean bashful cold, I mean ouch my nipples are trying to implode cold.

  5. MaNance says:

    Time to laugh; I am truly an old hippie and never wore a bra for a very long time. Once I got into management I knew I had to ’cause I couldn’t get my employees to look me in the eye !!
    Fast forward to now where I’m at home with my toddler who knows nothing about “social norms” so once again I’m allowing myself to be who I want to be. No bra AND I only wear one when I’m leaving the house now. I feel so much better about myself. Also, a new use for the baby powder!!

    Teeth, well that’s another thing ’cause the science behind it is bacteria in the mouth can cause infections and it’s the closest to our brains besides going into our bloodstream. I would never want an infection that close to my poor brain!

  6. People dont brush their teeth are disgusting but why do they do it? Probably because they don’t realize that good dental hygiene can extend your lifespan by as much as 20 years. This is because of the toxins and infections that enter the bloodstream through the gums if diseased, travel to other parts of the body and cause damage elsewhere. I blogged about people who dont brush their teeth and you would be amazed at how many people commented that they actually dont. I had one person who left a comment saying: “i really just don’t brush my teeth.
    maybe once every few weeks… ?
    i’ve had two cavities my entire life,
    it’s not like my teeth are rotting out of my head.
    i simply… can’t be bothered to brush them every night and every morning.”

    Gross. My response is: they will rot and they will torture you when they are ready to do so It doesn’t take much time to take care of your teeth. I use a metal toothpick between teeth, a tongue scraper and brush twice a day, gums and teeth. I’ve known people who did as you are doing and they had no teeth by age 50. You will regret it later if you don’t change

  7. hehehe. i thought i like the post title. the naked women who didnt brush her teeth.

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